Changing takes time
Trust me, I tried and I sick of it.. but it has to be change to make a better changes..
sounds complicated but yes, it is hard in the progress and easy to be said..
I wish I could be more tolerable in all aspect, in family, work or a relationship, surrounding..
The biggest enemy here is still the same, ME.. jealousy and undesirable kills you in every way when ever you felt so..
Somehow I am still trying to change my perception to a more mature person. Hoping one day I could really see things wide and have the wisdom quote "Silence is golden" with me.
I am hoping that I could tolerate and endure to see whats happening next.
I always believe in time, it proves everything. Truth or Lies. Because keeping quiet will see how thing runs without your interruption, you know how exactly how they planned, what is the initiative behind everyone of us.
Showing me do they remain unchanged? Same outcome? It shows you the ugliest answer possible..as always..
All I need to do is to care lesser, think lesser, then worry lesser.....
Monday, July 29, 2013
Sunday, July 7, 2013
5weeks to farewell?
I never though of coming into this situation.. this result me for not further my studies..here in tarUC
mom just some how doubt the new system implemented for lacking credibility.. but why would someone choose my future for me? I know she cares about what I am in the society.. but I refuse to change.. this is good, I like it how the same way works :(( I dont wanna change.. why?
I like it here, the place, the people, and the lifestyle here.. I am kind of a dislike stay in-home kid.. I want to explore by my own! I want to experience independence, I don't want to be mami's boy no more.. I want my own life..
Yes, there is no problem living in own's house.. home is great.. warm.. but I don't learn and grow when I am in a shell..
Oh no.. I'm not okay..
Friday, July 5, 2013
seeking path way
Yes sometimes I hate myself for thinking too much
I am very miserable when it comes to the topic "occupation"
There is no actual direction for me to aim for since after competition is over.. I felt so lost and donno what to do with my future path way..
Sooner or later, I'm gonna complete diploma and move on to a degree education. This is what i hate about the society now, no cert no income.. Diploma is everywhere..
TOO mainstream, perhaps.. and now is kinda forcing one to enroll into degree~ I have no faith in proceeding my studies.
Does anyone felt that lost? I guess I am a typical lost kid in college.
I am getting bored to my daily routine here in college~ wake up, goes to class, eat, training and assignment.
Entertainment is getting lesser and lesser, don't even bother to watch movies.
Dail it back, I love learning.. In fact, I enjoy researching something I find interesting regardless of what subject.. But I dislike study very much, I am just not the type of person who can read text book, revision all day long.
That is why I always admire people who can really focus on the text for all day long or doing exercise, past year question. Question that always in my head, how do they get the energy to motivate them?
I am so lost and all of a sudden, I felt so lonely.. does anyone join my lonely community as well?
PR, is like a joke to me now..how am I going to apply my PR skills into the reality? I barely remember the tactics taught in the class. Thats maybe I didn't practice it all the time.
I am so lost~ I have no direction anymore.. Worst of all, I am very tired of handling my body physique all the time. I do really miss my 6pack abs, just a month ago I am in the best looking body shape in my entire life. But now? I stress out how to maintain it.
Basic expenses in eating is very much expensive, yet I do not work and I spend alot.. FEELING super guilty.
I just want to move out from my home and start something new for myself. I wanna contribute something to myself and family. Or else, there is no difference between a trash or shit.
Recently, bought a new smart phone model htc1.. this the why I left my blogspot empty for a period of time.
I update most of my thoughts in wechat and instragram link to twitter.
I dont do too much on facebook~ People might have good expectation in me, the way I look, how tough I am on the outside, but I am a very emotional kid, not really much people realize that :(( I dont want too much of my friend notice that because I am very secretive!
I just dont want to stay at home and be alone. When I am all by myself, I will always think aside. The bad(s) most of the time. what if what if what if??? I will think too much and make myself miserable, not happy..
Is there anything I can do to utilize my free time?
Truely hope there will be at least a back door for me to escape, I am not sure which rooms I am going now.
I hate myself, feeling like nobody.
Why cant I just be like a normal person who think normally? I just need a direction :((
I'm stuck in a real dilemma.
Other than blogging, Gym is still the best play for me to express my feelings.. I have switched my gym timing to the morning session most of the time. When I woke up, I think of lifting irons and forget about everything, which makes me have PLENTY of time at the night! AND worst of all, all my friends are no longer available. They join the night session, and I am all alone again.
Although I have a girlfriend now, but I understand the Principe in her. She aims for a scholarship in her degree. We hardly have time for each other even though we are from the same hostel. That's why she is dating with notes and text books more than me!
But I'm not sure how many time I can have to spend with her, due to her background where she is from east Malaysia. And I am a penisular kid, what if she goes back? What if she study here and I am not anymore? lol.. kinda samething repeated when I first come to college.. there is so many "what if" in my head..
and one of the thing that I worried all the time - what about us?
what can I do to save this relationship?
Let it be real, distance relationship is a bullshit to me.. the bond will fade when people don't see each other especially for couples.
Hopefully I can still keep the sweet little thing in us.
Others might have plans for their future. Seeing themselves working in so and so company with well paid salary. They have the foundation to move forward after graduation.
What about me? When I graduate, I will seek what earn the most money regardless what job scope it is. My friend invite me to join her soyabean crazy plan, and I had the urge to blend into her plan.
I hate myself and I hate office work more. I wonder, how kiyosaki did so well in his life, how people get so rich without working. How the kick start at the beginning? how they managed to do it?
Rich people are knowledgeable in financial. I am so into them, hoping to know one of the real successful person in reality, very much willing to be their apprentice. But look around, people I know are common. No dato or tan sri~
I am no Christian or Buddhist, most of the kids in my generation are non-religion. Freethinker might be good in many ways, but it blinds you when you are nothing. No arrows and faith is given when you are gone.
This is the time I really wanted to pray for the obstacle I'm facing. Hope that someone up there will heard my prayers.
God help me.
I am very miserable when it comes to the topic "occupation"
There is no actual direction for me to aim for since after competition is over.. I felt so lost and donno what to do with my future path way..
Sooner or later, I'm gonna complete diploma and move on to a degree education. This is what i hate about the society now, no cert no income.. Diploma is everywhere..
TOO mainstream, perhaps.. and now is kinda forcing one to enroll into degree~ I have no faith in proceeding my studies.
Does anyone felt that lost? I guess I am a typical lost kid in college.
I am getting bored to my daily routine here in college~ wake up, goes to class, eat, training and assignment.
Entertainment is getting lesser and lesser, don't even bother to watch movies.
Dail it back, I love learning.. In fact, I enjoy researching something I find interesting regardless of what subject.. But I dislike study very much, I am just not the type of person who can read text book, revision all day long.
That is why I always admire people who can really focus on the text for all day long or doing exercise, past year question. Question that always in my head, how do they get the energy to motivate them?
I am so lost and all of a sudden, I felt so lonely.. does anyone join my lonely community as well?
PR, is like a joke to me now..how am I going to apply my PR skills into the reality? I barely remember the tactics taught in the class. Thats maybe I didn't practice it all the time.
I am so lost~ I have no direction anymore.. Worst of all, I am very tired of handling my body physique all the time. I do really miss my 6pack abs, just a month ago I am in the best looking body shape in my entire life. But now? I stress out how to maintain it.
Basic expenses in eating is very much expensive, yet I do not work and I spend alot.. FEELING super guilty.
I just want to move out from my home and start something new for myself. I wanna contribute something to myself and family. Or else, there is no difference between a trash or shit.
Recently, bought a new smart phone model htc1.. this the why I left my blogspot empty for a period of time.
I update most of my thoughts in wechat and instragram link to twitter.
I dont do too much on facebook~ People might have good expectation in me, the way I look, how tough I am on the outside, but I am a very emotional kid, not really much people realize that :(( I dont want too much of my friend notice that because I am very secretive!
I just dont want to stay at home and be alone. When I am all by myself, I will always think aside. The bad(s) most of the time. what if what if what if??? I will think too much and make myself miserable, not happy..
Is there anything I can do to utilize my free time?
Truely hope there will be at least a back door for me to escape, I am not sure which rooms I am going now.
I hate myself, feeling like nobody.
Why cant I just be like a normal person who think normally? I just need a direction :((
I'm stuck in a real dilemma.
Other than blogging, Gym is still the best play for me to express my feelings.. I have switched my gym timing to the morning session most of the time. When I woke up, I think of lifting irons and forget about everything, which makes me have PLENTY of time at the night! AND worst of all, all my friends are no longer available. They join the night session, and I am all alone again.
Although I have a girlfriend now, but I understand the Principe in her. She aims for a scholarship in her degree. We hardly have time for each other even though we are from the same hostel. That's why she is dating with notes and text books more than me!
But I'm not sure how many time I can have to spend with her, due to her background where she is from east Malaysia. And I am a penisular kid, what if she goes back? What if she study here and I am not anymore? lol.. kinda samething repeated when I first come to college.. there is so many "what if" in my head..
and one of the thing that I worried all the time - what about us?
what can I do to save this relationship?
Let it be real, distance relationship is a bullshit to me.. the bond will fade when people don't see each other especially for couples.
Hopefully I can still keep the sweet little thing in us.
Others might have plans for their future. Seeing themselves working in so and so company with well paid salary. They have the foundation to move forward after graduation.
What about me? When I graduate, I will seek what earn the most money regardless what job scope it is. My friend invite me to join her soyabean crazy plan, and I had the urge to blend into her plan.
I hate myself and I hate office work more. I wonder, how kiyosaki did so well in his life, how people get so rich without working. How the kick start at the beginning? how they managed to do it?
Rich people are knowledgeable in financial. I am so into them, hoping to know one of the real successful person in reality, very much willing to be their apprentice. But look around, people I know are common. No dato or tan sri~
I am no Christian or Buddhist, most of the kids in my generation are non-religion. Freethinker might be good in many ways, but it blinds you when you are nothing. No arrows and faith is given when you are gone.
This is the time I really wanted to pray for the obstacle I'm facing. Hope that someone up there will heard my prayers.
God help me.
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