Things goes wrong

We tend to have a very poor judgement, bad communication, and very bad managing skills.

Especially when it comes to friendship versus couple relationship.

It happens to me occationally, its like a trend or some what attitude that just happen on me.

I wonder, why am I always the last one to get things settle right. Why I ain't the one which is placed at the front?

Today is her big day. I can't believed that it is ruined just like that, I didn't intend to do all these.

But I felt left out. I am a her couple, but why cant I deserve a little more priority than others?

All I get in the end with her precious time is just, some very tiring days, sick, have to do homework, rest timing?

Why cant I hangout with her just like how regular people do? Why is that always the ill day for me?

When ever friends asked for a date, automatically it is a YES. I've been asking for 3 semester and I still get a fucking NO. Yet I get all the blame at the end.

 I promised not to show my temper and anger, I managed that.

I wanna give up. But today is not the best day to be cruel.

Happy Birthday to you.

#vlog2

Please dont mock at my pattern.. Im still a newbie :)

Love for 2013, love for 2014.

Why starts when u know it is going to end? 

It doesn't work this way. Life is about experiencing, good or bad. Experiencing the feeling of being loved and hurt. I am not a fully mature adult, but I am on a journey of experiencing love and hurt. I am walking on the road of commitment.

I started dating with a pretty girl 7months ago and that night, my life was filled with so many colors and so many candies. I smile myself when I was having a shower, I smile for no particular reason when I was walking alone. Even my friends claimed that I was being ridiculously falling for her. My brain was filled with sweets, I just cant stop myself thinking of her. Almost almost every second, dream, shower, study ,eat, piss, and shit. It was so uncontrollable, thinking her face had just became a involuntary action.

Love is built, trust is standing, promises are kept, and hands are holding tight.

From the taboos, a good relationship doesn't have argument and hatred. Eventually, for me, which couple doesn't have argument? That is what makes a solid and healthy relationship. But impatient is starting to be in the climax. Tears, the broken words were so so bitter like a medicine which is trying to heal your heart. None of us were taking the blame, can tell it was worsen the situation. No matter how worse it was, i believe in good communication makes good commitment. I always wanted  to talk calmly to my dearest babe, yelling at each other would probably scare our feeling~

At one point, my relationship was falling apart, my heart was fragmented. We used to be so close to each other, hanging out, texting, lingering around the the garden, having lunch and dinner together. Day by days, the sweetness were fading. We longer have lunch, hanging out. Somehow the feel is getting cold and far.

Climax is where the trust is gone, promises are seen as a lie, a betrayed, fingers are getting lose.

"they" said, if you love a person, love the full package. I agreed with this quote. This is why I see paktor as a razor that stab into your heart. You love the full package, meaning that you love the way she hurts you. Old generation quote doesn't always work how it was. No one loves to be hurt in this world. One has to be coordinate to another one, toleration is vital! THE FULL package style is just a  blind love. A willing heart for both to tolerate is how it strengthen a line, agreement and commitment...

The magnetic relationship energy is no longer that strong to hold 2pieces of heart together. Topics are officially fading when you know your partner is starting to ask what you are doing. From the moment on, I had a mini heart attack and I know this will eventually leads to a bad outcome. The ugly fact. Yes, everything used to be so good. Used to be so good, just good..
So many unexplainable reason..
Taking blames are not an idea.. pride? none..

I miss old days....I really do recall every time we used to be so good... I too question myself, is that what every couples will go though the process of hot to cold? Thanks to the brain for thinking so much.. maybe that's what parents did as well? I'm so young and my problem is very cold.. I wish I could go back to memories.. Those days don't last?

Take a deep breathe, use 5minutes of your life time to think about how it was used to be.. and how is it now..
why?
how?

To u...
What is love now?
I get confused, occasionally.. 

Sigh... depending on what shape u believe in. I hated to see a love story, as a cycle. A cycle of dead end. This is what failures see. Sometimes this is what I see. From strangers to friends, from friends to lovers, from lovers to haters, from haters to strangers, maybe if u are lucky? From strangers to friends again.

I would love to see my story in a heart beating line. A content of progressive love story line. I started from random hostel friend, to good friends, to lovers, to a lovers who argue. I wish, she would be my only lover, to a family. To my forever.

There's no such thing as perfect couples. Fairy tales claim that. But reality doesn't exist such prince charming or princess SNOW WHITE. Quote said so, practice makes perfect. Couples should respect, adapt to their partner's culture. Practice each others norm instead of behaving like a rhino.
 No matter how sweet my relationship is.. I cant deny that there is a moment, I will feel jealous about the other couples.

I scold, because I care.

I'm jealous, because I concern too much.

I'm mad, simply because I am worried.

Sometimes we are tired.

We let go, because we need to cool down.

We argue, simply because we still love each other.

I always have a soft heart on you after all the things we had been through. I may have talked stupid, hurt you, asking u to leave. Trust me one thing, I always do love you.

2013, another year of lesson

 I'm with you

_____________________________________________________________________

 I was so greedy to have so many new year resolution during the end of 2012.
I wanted to be a bodybuilder. So I go for my dream.
 Transformation, dedication, discipline.

I wanted to be smart in academic

although I'm not a 4.0 studentbut I'm proud of my achievement

and I wanted to have a lover

then i fall in love..

Growing up makes life tough. I don't wan no more money, achievements are not priority now. Because the moment I stepped on bodybuilding stage, I knew that wasn't a new year resolution, that a life time revolution. Be happy, is what makes a life colorful..
I pray for living good, happy life for everyone, happy life for me and her and family and for everyone.

I.. sincerely pray for a healthy relationship with this girl, I pray for my parents.
I pray for health
I pray for peace
I pray for harmony
I pray for the loved one
I pray for happiness

most importantly.. my darling, please remember how we first met, please remember how we first start, please remember how and what we had been through, remember how we first felt, remember Sherman no matter what.

Hi 2014 :)
Happy 
New Year..

Life stress like how crying does

Every one stress, even baby does stress.. that's why small kids started stressed out by crying..

Well I stress a little recently.. I might add is not really a little, when school starts that is the moment you know problem starts, assignment starts and play time says goodbye.. things are getting serious..

How I handle stress.. I'm not a good deal when it comes to stress, some how mood swing a lot and pimples are one of the visible way to id my stress.. that's why I gain tons of useless fat and more shit poping from face lately..
But all this is just now human express the hard emotion.. but, I didn't choose to cry..

Crying, yes it indicates sadness.. crying only makes me weak.. crying doesn't makes me stronger, crying doesn't solve my life problem.. I couldn't just cry and expect things get done, things go smooth or things get better? I cry, because things are extremely out of the hand, or maybe deep down inside the heart there's too much to explain..but your mouth just can't get it moving..

My tears are priceless.. this is a principe.. not a solider system of emotion..
I want to make my tears worth to shade, so that my tears worth to be celebrate, I can be happy.
That I could be aggressive, I can hate for a reason.
That I could be seeing the ugly side of every truth, I worth to be sad and cry.
And that I could treasure, love, experience, know, and learn from my very single drop of tear..

Respect me

Fuck this seriously..
Got pissed for some random events... what the fuck was that actually?
I remember you once said you parents never scold u or argue like we did.. for your information, that's your parents alright?
But did u ask your parents to shut up? U respect them as they respect you ok? Don't show your emotion just because you are angry, I angry all the time.. should I slap you in the face?
Seriously can't you be a little more rational?
Shhhhh me? Was I talking to u? I greet my friends and why are you being so rude? Did I interrupted u? Think la!
Say I'm fierce when I'm angry.. fuck it la!
When I'm good talking to u, u ask me to shut up and eat my rice? Now I'm rude and u request me to be calm?
U know moral? U know how to respect? Do u shuhhh your parents? Think la, how old are you already? Angry then can show all kinds of shit face Issit? I angry I also diam diam at first ok?

Neli-then I realized

The last paper was completed yesterday morning and I am officially a freeman from now on.. indeed it was a good news which also means my path in diploma has finally come to a corner.. great thing about it was the 3 of the paper and 2 of it were pretty much a piece of cake, just hoping federal constitution can gain more marks in it.
Because I wasn't raise in a family who practice a lot of politics, public, government, and policies.. I was a regular kid who do regular stuff like.....like.. games, letting mom to do laundry, waiting for dinner, and ready to be a prince...well, literally.....
So as usual final's final ended and I started my entertainment.

But that night, something unusual came to my head..and the scenario sounds like a real story..

A pair of newly marriad young couple decided to visit the wife's dad after he left quite some time, ago..
They were waiting at the beach because her father is a captain of the soldier submarine..waiting for his arrival..

Meanwhile, she received a call from the dad and requested to swim a distance of 1km to reach the submarine, because submarine isn't like any other regular ships which can depart and land on seasides.. the wife answer none and quickly jump into the salt water, so desperate to see her parent.. the husband then joins the swimming as to save his wife for not having any knowledge in swimming..

After all they managed to reach the tank. Without hesitate, she hugged the old man so tight.. they began the chitchat, hugging, teasing and joking. But the husband wasn't part of the conversation at all..at all.... He felt so left out and being treated like a glass.. But the most thing that adores him was the responding smile of her wife to his fatherinlaw.. the smile was so charming which he nearly forgets when was the last seeing his own wife so happy..

I was...stunned...envy, sad and happy for her at the same time.. emotions mixed up makes people feeling uncomfortable..
Very much adore the way they loved each other, the father and daughter's passion was so strong..

Then I realized, it was only just a dream..

It turns out I am in the story...

Even dreams have feelings...
Even dreams makes you feel...
Even dreams would do the thinking...

It was never a dream that makes me feel this way before..

The yes response

Regarding to the college I'm about to enroll during degree level, I've made up my mind so do my dearest mom.

As always heart to heart with a low and peaceful tone can solve a lot of problem in life, rather than bunch of tigers roaring and screaming for a decision making.

I talked to her and I tried to bring in the subject to her. We talk calmly and she explained why I shall not stick to my current so called "university college". The entire reason behind her choice for me to experience another college is all about her perceptions on tarUC level of education. Infact my mom doesn't complain any negativity about my college but just said that others might be better, as always. For her, she loves me unconditionally and money ain't an issue for her son's education. She told me all she can gives now is a better education, because it is an asset to build my bright future.
Other than that, she wanted me to explore to another culture and environment other than staying in hostel. Because I'm still young and changes like this would make me mature and good.

As for what I replied her. I told her nicely, I disagree with the statement. Yes I know papers, certificates are important to determine one's qualification in respective field, and it is also "nowadays" form of foundation in how much we will received in our income. Isn't it a trend now? Diploma now, degree soon to be mainstream-ed. Besides, I believe in potential other than relying on the cert. You might have a good cert from london UK or whatsoever fantastic college. But attitude marks a person's succession in life but not that! Not to judge my brother, he has 2 very good college in technology and business studies. But it doesn't refers to his professionally in that field. He even resit and the cgpa close to failing passing rate.

After so much of discussion, she finally said "all I want is just a better education for you, yet it is still your choice to choose what to study and where to study". My heart melted that moment. Even my dad supports me this time, he has not much comment but he told mom just let me to choose where I liked.

Other than that, there's a suspicious matter that worries mom, she kinda warned me not to make such decision because of hua king. But intact, she's the biggest influence on my desicion. Without her appearance, I would've gone long ago, changes school and my course studied. Because of kingking, I stood up and decided to runs back to what I am about to stop. But all in the end, I liked here, the people, the environment, the lifestyle and the culture here.

Lets hope that she loves me as I did. This few days, felt so in love with her again and again. Wish for our loyalty never dies.

They said it hurts

No body likes lies
But why do we lie?
As said, the truth is messy. We tend to cover the truth to protect oneself~
We all want that relationship that is built to have trust, intimacy, openness. But our most of the relationship doesn't work as theory.
For me, it is about the level of commitment. It can easily see if one individual is fully committed to his/her partner, there is no more lies in between.
The most thing I'm afraid -
Sometimes tracing vouching cross checking bring you the facts that you don;t want to know.
And you are just hopping the lies are the true.

Quote:
Grab a glass and throw it on the floor
Did it break?
Now apologize to it
Did it go back how it was before?
No, get it?

Hiding something isn't truly solution in loving someone.
But if you choose to hide it, hide completely and leaves no trace mark behind the foot.
Lie professionally, don't lie half way.
If you want to do it, do it properly

Although Honest isn't always an option to protect your lies, it doesn't provide any protection.
But at least being honest and real are the rules in a relationship.
Why not? Looking to the very first sight when u started liking a person and wanted to be with them?
Why? A solid reason for it is trust. Reliable.
When these aspect gone wrong, whats the point to be together?

thoughts and thoughts of mine.